愛吃辣的加拿大大叔 雅思托福10多年一線教學 中文說得還不錯，頭像是他家貓 在這裡分享他原創的雅思寫作幹貨 每篇範文都有配音，在同名公衆号“英語考試Cat”

你好呀，我是來自加拿大的雅思外教Mac。今天，給大家帶來一個雅思大作文的兩個版本：6分版 vs 8.5分版。

老規矩，以下是正文目錄：

1，題目

2，6分版

3，Mac修改

4，Mac的範文：朗讀 解析

上題：

The bar chart below shows the top ten countries for the production and consumption of electricity in 2014. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

6分版（來自我的學生）：

The bar chart contrasts the top ten countries for electricity generation and consumption, measured in billion kWh, in the year of 2014.

Overall, China produced and consumed the most electricity whereas South Korea generated and used the least in the same year. The volume of electricity for both categories within each country was almost at parity during the same period.

Over 5,300 billion kWh of electric power, the highest among the top ten countries, was generated and consumed in China, which was approximately 1,300 billion kWh higher than that of the United States. Unlike the US, however, the electricity generation and utilization capacity in Russia was significantly lower, registering at just over 1,000 billion kWh of electricity, an amount similar to that of Japan.

The electrical energy production and consumption volume of South Korea, sitting at only 485.1 and 449.5 billion kWh respectively, was more than 10 times lower compared to China in both categories, making it the country making and consuming the least power in 2014.

Mac修改：

以下是Mac原創的版本：

- Model Answer 高分範文 & 範文朗讀 -

▲範文音頻戳這裡▲

The bar chart contrasts the top ten nations in their amounts of electricity consumed and generated, measured in kilowatts per hour, in the year of 2014.

Overall, China commanded in both production and consumption of electricity, and was followed closely by the United States; meanwhile Brazil, Germany and South Korea ranked near or at the bottom of the list.

China led the United States in both producing and consuming electrical power by about 1,400 trillion kWh; whereas the gap between the U.S. and Russia doubled (OR was around double) this number, with the U.S. standing at 4.099 trillion kWh produced and about 200 billion kWh less in their consumption. Japan was fourth on the list, and sat below Russia by about the same amount that was the variation between using and creating power in the U.S. India, Canada, and France round out fifth to seventh places, with France’s creation of electricity almost on par with Brazil’s and Germany’s. Sitting tenth on the list was South Korea, which joined Canada, France and Brazil in expending less than 500 million kWh, and created only 485 billion kWh.

- Essay Analysis 範文解析 -

Standard Phrase 小作文高分句型：

• The bar chart contrasts
• in their amount of
• measured in kilowatts per hour
• in the year of
• Overall,
• and was followed closely by
• ranked near or at the bottom of the list
• standing at
• fourth on the list
• sat below
• by about the same amount that

Vocabulary 高分地道詞彙和短語：

• commanded
• led
• the gap between
• doubled
• the variation between
• round out fifth to seventh places
• almost on par with
• Sitting tenth

Vocabulary for Electricity (produce and consume):

• electricity consumed and generated
• electricity/electrical power/power
• consumed/consuming
• generated
• producing/produced
• using
• creating/creation/created
• expending

Cohesion (C&C words and phrases):

• both
• , and
• ; meanwhile
• by about
• ; whereas,
• this number
• , with
• their
• almost
• , which
• less than
• , and
• only

以上就是我今天分享的關于雅思的部分幹貨，如果你在考雅思，或單純想提升英語，做1個動作：點擊關注我，及時收看更多幹貨好文。

祝各位早日和雅思分手，加油！

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