The Exact Science of Matrimony

　　精确的婚姻科學

　　作者 | 歐·亨利

　　譯者 | 崔爽

　　原著 | 《歐·亨利短篇小說精選》

　　The Exact Science of Matrimony音頻：00:0017:12

　　As I have told you before, said Jeff Peters, I never had much confidence in the perfidiousness of woman. As partners or coeducators in the most innocent line of graft they are not trustworthy.

　　“我跟你講過吧，”傑夫·彼得斯說，“對于女性從事欺詐事業這行，我從來不抱信心。即便在最簡單的騙局裡，不論作為搭檔還是同謀，女人都不可靠。”

　　perfidious [pəˈfɪdiəs] adj. unable to be trusted, or showing no loyalty 背信棄義的；不忠貞的line of graft [ɡræft] 工作 They deserve the compliment, said I. I think they are entitled to be called the honest sex.

　　“這話不假，”我說，“這個性别的人可以稱得上是天性誠實。”

　　be entitled to sth 使有權利 / 資格compliment [ˈkɒmpləmənt] n.[C] a remark that expresses approval, admiration, or respect 恭維話，贊揚話，奉承話 Why shouldnt they be? said Jeff. Theyve got the other sex either grafting or working overtime for em. Theyre all right in business until they get their emotions or their hair touched up too much. Then you want to have a flat footed, heavy breathing man with sandy whiskers, five kids and a building and loan mortgage ready as an understudy to take her desk. Now there was that widow lady that me and Andy Tucker engaged to help us in that little matrimonial agency scheme we floated out in Cairo.

　　“那可不！”傑夫說，“自會有男人們替她們出頭行騙或者拼死賣命。其實她們做事本來也不差，可一旦牽扯上感情，或者有虛榮心作祟，她們就不行啦。這時候，你就甯可找個平腳闆、黃胡子、嘴裡臭烘烘、養着五個孩子、還要還按揭貸款供養房子的漢子。比如說吧，在開羅時，曾經有一位寡婦太太，我和安迪·塔克有次找過她幫我們實施一場中介騙局。”

　　overtime adv. 加班sandy [ˈsændi] adj.（頭發）沙色的，淺棕色的whiskers n.[pl.]（尤指男子側面或下巴上的）胡須；絡腮胡子loan mortgage 房屋貸款understudy n.[C] 候補演員，替角a matrimonial agency 婚姻介紹所scheme [skiːm] n.[C] 陰謀，詭計 When youve got enough advertising capital—say a roll as big as the little end of a wagon tongue—theres money in matrimonial agencies. We had about $6,000 and we expected to double it in two months, which is about as long as a scheme like ours can be carried on without taking out a New Jersey charter.”

　　“如果你有錢去報上登廣告——差不多就是跟車轅頭那般粗細的一卷錢好了——就已經有足夠的資本辦一家婚姻介紹所了。那時候，我倆手頭上估摸着統共也就六千塊，還指望着在兩個月内能翻上一番。兩個月正适宜于實施我們的計劃，而又不必拿到新澤西州的執照。

　　charter [ˈtʃɑːrtər] n.[C] 特許狀，許可證 We fixed up an advertisement that read about like this:

　　Charming widow, beautiful, home loving, 32 years, possessing $3,000 cash and owning valuable country property, would remarry. Would prefer a poor man with affectionate disposition to one with means, as she realizes that the solid virtues are oftenest to be found in the humble walks of life. No objection to elderly man or one of homely appearance if faithful and true and competent to manage property and invest money with judgment. Address, with particulars.

　　Lonely,

　　Care of Peters & Tucker, agents, Cairo, Ill.

　　我倆拟了一則廣告，内容如下：

　　魅力寡婦，貌美如花，年方卅二，勤儉愛家。手持現金三千及鄉間值錢物業，有意再嫁。願覓性情溫良郎君一名，貧富不拘，因其心知出身微賤之人多具美德。若為人忠厚可靠且擅理财慎投資，無論年齡相貌均不計較。來信詳盡為佳。

　　伊利諾伊州開羅市

　　彼得斯和塔克事務所收轉

　　寂寞人

　　affectionate [əˈfekʃənət] adj. showing feelings of liking or love 表示愛的；充滿深情的；有感情的disposition [ˌdɪspəˈzɪʃən] n.[C] the particular type of character that a person naturally has 性格，性情one with means 有錢人virtue [ˈvɜːtʃuː] n.[C] 美德，優秀品質humble [ˈhʌmbəl] adj. poor or of a low social rank 地位低下的，卑微的walks of life n.[C] 行業，職業，身份homely [ˈhəʊmli] adj. (of a person) ugly 長相難看的，醜陋的particulars n.[pl.] 個人資料；具體信息 So far, so pernicious, says I, when we had finished the literary concoction. And now, says I, where is the lady.

　　“忽悠得真不錯，”拼湊出這麼一篇文字之後，我感歎道，‘現在的問題是，上哪兒去找這位太太？”

　　pernicious [pəˈnɪʃəs] adj. having a very harmful effect or influence極其有害的；惡性的；惡劣的literary [ˈlɪtərəri] adj. connected with literature 文學的，與文學相關的concoction [kənˈkɒkʃən] n.[C,U] 混合物，調合物，調配品 Andy gives me one of his looks of calm irritation.

　　“安迪沖我白了一眼，那種又冷靜又不耐煩的眼神隻有他才做得出來。”

　　irritation [ˌɪrɪˈteɪʃən] n.[U] 惱怒，生氣 Jeff, says he, I thought you had lost them ideas of realism in your art. Why should there be a lady? When they sell a lot of watered stock on Wall Street would you expect to find a mermaid in it? What has a matrimonial ad got to do with a lady?

　　“傑夫，”他說，“我還以為你從業生涯中早就把這種現實主義抛諸腦後了，我們需要找一位太太嗎？華爾街抛售摻水股時，你還指望能在裡頭找着美人魚啊？征婚廣告跟太太有什麼關系？’”

　　stock [stɑk] n.[C,U] part of the ownership of a company that can be bought by members of the public 股份，股票mermaid [ˈmɜːmeɪd] n.[C] in stories, a woman who has a fish’s tail instead of legs and who lives in the sea（傳說中的）美人魚 Now listen, says I. You know my rule, Andy, that in all my illegitimate inroads against the legal letter of the law the article sold must be existent, visible, producible. In that way and by a careful study of city ordinances and train schedules I have kept out of all trouble with the police that a five dollar bill and a cigar could not square. Now, to work this scheme weve got to be able to produce bodily a charming widow or its equivalent with or without the beauty, hereditaments and appurtenances set forth in the catalogue and writ of errors, or hereafter be held by a justice of the peace.

　　“你聽我說，”我向他解釋，“你知道我的規矩，安迪，在我經手的所有不法買賣中，有貨出售就代表着确有其物，拿得出、看得見。正因為堅持這個原則，再加上我仔細研究市政法令和火車時刻表的好習慣，我才能一次又一次避免和警察之間的麻煩——要知道，一旦招惹上警察，可不是五塊十塊或者一支雪茄煙就能搞定的。我們既然要實施這個計劃，就必須拿得出一位貨真價實的魅力寡婦——最不濟也得有個差不離的女人，至于是不是貌美如花，有沒有那些個物産這些問題倒是可以糊弄過去，否則治安官肯定會揪着咱們不放。’”

　　illegitimate [ˌɪləˈdʒɪtəmət] adj. 不符合規定的；非法的inroads n.[pl.] 損害，侵害ordinance [ˈɔːdənəns] n.[C] a law, usually of a city or town, that forbids or restricts an activity（城鎮頒布的）法規，條例bodily [ˈbɑdli] adv. in one piece; completely 整個地；完全地equivalent [ɪˈkwɪvələnt] n.[C] 等同物；等價物；對應物hereditament [ˌhɛrədɪtəmənt] n. 可繼承的财産，世襲财産appurtenance [əˈpɜːrtənəns] n.[C usually pl.] a part of something more important 附屬物，附帶物set forth 闡述，陳述，說明writ [rɪt] n.[C] 令狀；法院命令；傳票hereafter adv. 此後，今後 Well, says Andy, reconstructing his mind, maybe it would be safer in case the post office or the peace commission should try to investigate our agency. But where, he says, could you hope to find a widow who would waste time on a matrimonial scheme that had no matrimony in it?

　　“好吧，”安迪說，‘萬一郵局或者治安機關來調查我們的婚介所，按你說的做也許會保險一些。可你上哪兒找一位願意浪費時間的寡婦來配合我們這個壓根兒沒有婚姻的婚介把戲啊？’”

　　reconstruct[ˌriːkənˈstrʌkt] v. 重現描述；使重現commission [kəˈmɪʃən] n.[C] 委員會the peace commission 治安委員會matrimony [ˈmætrəməni] n.[U] the state of being married 婚姻；婚姻生活 I told Andy that I thought I knew of the exact party. An old friend of mine, Zeke Trotter, who used to draw soda water and teeth in a tent show, had made his wife a widow a year before by drinking some dyspepsia cure of the old doctors instead of the liniment that he always got boozed up on. I used to stop at their house often, and I thought we could get her to work with us.

　　“我告訴安迪，我有一個絕佳的人選。我認識個叫齊克·特羅特的老友，以前在大篷車劇場賣蘇打水，還兼職給人拔牙。去年，他舍棄了一直以來都能讓他酩酊大醉的那種萬能藥，心血來潮喝了一個老醫生開的消化藥水，結果害得他老婆當了寡婦。我經常去他們家，也許能說動她來幫咱們的忙。”

　　dyspepsia [dɪsˈpɛpsɪə] n.[U] 消化不良liniment [ˈlɪnəmənt] n.[U] 皮膚搽劑〔用以消除疼痛和僵硬〕booze up 狂歡，暴飲 Twas only sixty miles to the little town where she lived, so I jumped out on the I. C. and finds her in the same cottage with the same sunflowers and roosters standing on the washtub. Mrs. Trotter fitted our ad first rate except, maybe for beauty and age and property valuation. But she looked feasible and praiseworthy to the eye, and it was a kindness to Zekes memory to give her the job.

　　“我們離她家小鎮不過六十英裡路，我跳上一列火車趕到那裡。她還住在原先那棟小木屋裡，屋外那幾棵向日葵還活着，洗衣盆裡還站着公雞。特羅特太太真是完美地符合我們廣告上的條件了——盡管在相貌、年齡和資産方面有着些許出入。但她看上去還是有幾分姿色的。況且，給她這份工作，也算是對得住已故的齊克了。”

　　twas it was的縮略形式rooster [ˈruːstər] n.[C] an adult male chicken 公雞，雄雞fit [fɪt] v. to be suitable for something 适合；勝任；符合feasible [‘fizəbl] adj. able to be made, done, or achieved可行的；行得通的；做得到的praiseworthy [ˈpreɪzwəːði] adj. 值得贊揚的 Is this an honest deal you are putting on, Mr. Peters, she asks me when I tell her what we want.

　　“你們做的是正經生意嗎，彼得斯先生？”我說完來意之後，她問我。

　　Mrs. Trotter, says I, Andy Tucker and me have computed the calculation that 3,000 men in this broad and unfair country will endeavor to secure your fair hand and ostensible money and property through our advertisement. Out of that number something like thirty hundred will expect to give you in exchange, if they should win you, the carcass of a lazy and mercenary loafer, a failure in life, a swindler and contemptible fortune seeker.

　　“特羅特太太，”我說，“我跟安迪·塔克都算好了，在咱們這個公道不存的龐大國家裡，至少會有三千名男性看過廣告之後，想來博得您的青睐以及那些無中生有的财産。這其中大約又會有三百人将要與您做交易，假若他們中的一個赢得了您的芳心，您能得到的隻是一副懶惰無比、遊手好閑的臭皮囊、生活失敗者、滿口謊言的騙子或者可恥的淘金者。’”

　　compute [kəmˈpjuːt] v. to calculate a result, answer, sum etc 計算endeavor [ɪnˈdevər] v. 努力，奮力secure [səˈkjʊr] v. to get something, sometimes with difficulty 獲得；設法得到ostensible [ɒˈstensəbəl] adj. appearing or claiming to be one thing when it is really something else 表面上的；假稱的，假托的carcass [ˈkɑːr.kəs] n.[C] the body of a dead animal 動物屍體mercenary [‘mɝsənɛri] adj. 唯利是圖的，貪财的loafer [ˈloʊfər] n.[C] someone who avoids doing any work懶惰的人；不願工作的人swindler [‘swɪndlɚ] n. 騙子contemptible [kənˈtemptəbəl] adj. deserving contempt可鄙的；卑劣的；為人所不齒的 Me and Andy, says I, propose to teach these preyers upon society a lesson. It was with difficulty, says I, that me and Andy could refrain from forming a corporation under the title of the Great Moral and Millennial Malevolent Matrimonial Agency. Does that satisfy you?

　　“我和安迪，”我接着說，“隻是想給這些社會渣滓一個教訓。我倆原本想直接開一間“道德福祉與千年孽緣婚介所”的。這麼說您滿意嗎？’”

　　refrain from doing sth to stop yourself from doing sth, especially sth that you want to do 抑制..., 忍住不做某事malevolent [məˈlev.əl.ənt] adj. causing or wanting to cause harm or evil 惡意的；惡毒的；有害的 It does, Mr. Peters, says she. I might have known you wouldnt have gone into anything that wasnt opprobrious. But what will my duties be? Do I have to reject personally these 3,000 rapscallions you speak of, or can I throw them out in bunches?

　　“滿意，彼得斯先生，”她回答，“我知道您不會幹那些傷天害理的事情。可我要做些什麼呀？是要一一拒絕您所說的這三千流氓呢，還是可以一股腦兒把他們趕出去？’”

　　opprobrious [əˈprobriəs] adj. 衆人指摘的，不光彩的rapscallion [rapˈskalɪən] n.[C] 流氓，惡棍in bunches 成批地 Your job, Mrs. Trotter, says I, will be practically a cynosure. You will live at a quiet hotel and will have no work to do. Andy and I will attend to all the correspondence and business end of it.

　　“您的任務，特羅特太太，”我說，“就在那兒擺樣子。您可以在一家僻靜的旅館裡住下，什麼都不用幹。安迪和我會負責處理一切通信和生意上的往來。’”

　　cynosure [ˈsaɪ.nə.ʃʊr] n.[C] a person or thing that is so good or beautiful that it attracts a lot of attention 引人注目的人（或事物）attend to sth to deal with sb / sth; to take care of sb / sth 對付 / 處理correspondence [kɒrɪˈspɒnd(ə)ns] n.[U] 通信，通信聯系 Of course, says I, some of the more ardent and impetuous suitors who can raise the railroad fare may come to Cairo to personally press their suit or whatever fraction of a suit they may be wearing. In that case you will be probably put to the inconvenience of kicking them out face to face. We will pay you $25 per week and hotel expenses.

　　“當然，”我繼續說，“會有一些格外熱情沖動的應征者出得起來開羅的車票錢，想當面對您展開追求，或者還有其它圖謀。在這種情況下，大概就得麻煩您親自踢他們出去了。除了包您的住宿外，我們每周還會付給您二十五元報酬。”

　　ardent [ˈɑːr.dənt] adj. showing strong feelings 熱烈的；激情的；強烈的impetuous [ɪmˈpetʃuəs] adj. likely to do something suddenly, without considering the results of your actions 沖動的，魯莽的suitor [ˈs(j)uːtə] n.[C]（女子的）求婚者，追求者 Give me five minutes, says Mrs. Trotter, to get my powder rag and leave the front door key with a neighbor and you can let my salary begin.

　　“給我五分鐘，”特羅特夫人說，“我去拿粉撲，再把大門鑰匙存到鄰居那兒，接着你們就可以開始給我算酬勞了。’”

　　So I conveys Mrs. Trotter to Cairo and establishes her in a family hotel far enough away from mine and Andys quarters to be unsuspicious and available, and I tell Andy.

　　“就這樣，我說服了特羅特太太跟我來到開羅，将她安置在一個家庭旅館裡，跟我和安迪的住處離得恰到好處，既不會近得引起懷疑，又不會遠得溝通不暢。然後我就把新進展告訴了安迪。”

　　convey [kənˈveɪ] v. to take or carry someone or something to a particular place 運送，運輸quarters n.[pl.] 住處unsuspicious [ˌʌnsəspɪʃəs] adj. 不懷疑的, 不多疑的 Great, says Andy. And now that your conscience is appeased as to the tangibility and proximity of the bait, and leaving mutton aside, suppose we revenoo a noo fish.

　　“好極了，”安迪說，“現在，既然你手裡有了實實在在的魚餌，就不會良心不安了，先不管别的，我覺得咱們現在可以動手釣大魚了。’”

　　conscience [ˈkɒnʃ(ə)ns] n.[C,U] 良心；良知appease [əˈpiːz] v. to make someone less angry or stop them from attacking you by giving them what they want 平息；撫慰tangibility [ˌtændʒəbiləti] n. 觸手可及proximity [prɒkˈsɪməti] n.[U] 接近，鄰近；臨近mutton [ˈmʌtn] n. 裝嫩的女人 So, we began to insert our advertisement in newspapers covering the country far and wide. One ad was all we used. We couldnt have used more without hiring so many clerks and marcelled paraphernalia that the sound of the gum chewing would have disturbed the Postmaster-General.

　　“于是，我們在全國上下的報紙上刊登那則征婚廣告。我們就登了一回——太多的話還得雇好多辦事員和女秘書來幫忙，他們嚼口香糖的聲音搞不好會驚動郵政局長。”

　　far and wide 到處；各處；廣泛地marcel v. 燙發paraphernalia [ˌpærəfəˈneɪliə] n.[U] all the objects needed for or connected with a particular activity（某項活動所需的）全部用具，全套裝備 We placed $2,000 in a bank to Mrs. Trotters credit and gave her the book to show in case anybody might question the honesty and good faith of the agency. I knew Mrs. Trotter was square and reliable and it was safe to leave it in her name.

　　“我們以特羅特太太的名義在銀行存了兩千塊，把存折交給她，以防萬一有人來質疑婚介所的真實性。我知道特羅特太太靠得住，把錢存在她名下萬無一失。”

　　to ones credit 在...名下square adj.（人）乏味的，古闆的 With that one ad Andy and me put in twelve hours a day answering letters.

　　“就靠那麼一則廣告，安迪和我每天都要花十二個小時回信。”

　　About one hundred a day was what came in. I never knew there was so many large hearted but indigent men in the country who were willing to acquire a charming widow and assume the burden of investing her money.

　　“一天的來信量在一百封上下。我實在沒想到，咱們國家居然有這麼多心無芥蒂的貧困男同胞，願意花力氣追求一個漂亮寡婦，還要肩負起幫她投資的重擔。”

　　large hearted adj. 寬宏大量的，慈悲心腸的indigent [ˈɪndɪdʒənt] adj. very poor 十分貧困的，十分貧窮的acquire [əˈkwaɪr] v. to get something 取得，獲得assume the burden of sth 承擔...責任 Most of them admitted that they ran principally to whiskers and lost jobs and were misunderstood by the world, but all of em were sure that they were so chock full of affection and manly qualities that the widow would be making the bargain of her life to get em.

　　“他們大多數都承認自己年紀大了，沒有工作，默默無聞，但都确信自己一腔深情，男子漢氣概十足，這個寡婦要是跟了自己，絕對是她一輩子的福氣。”

　　be chock full of sth 充滿...affection [əˈfɛkʃ(ə)n] n.[U] a feeling of liking for a person or place 喜愛；鐘愛；摯愛 Every applicant got a reply from Peters & Tucker informing him that the widow had been deeply impressed by his straightforward and interesting letter and requesting them to write again; stating more particulars; and enclosing photograph if convenient. Peters & Tucker also informed the applicant that their fee for handing over the second letter to their fair client would be $2, enclosed therewith.

　　“每個應征者都收到了彼得斯和塔克事務所的回信，稱寡婦太太被他坦率而風趣的信件深深打動，希望能繼續文字交流，深入談談彼此的具體情況，方便的話，請盡量附上照片。彼得斯和塔克事務所還另外通知應征者，代他們美麗的客戶收第二封信件的費用是兩塊錢，請随信附上。”

　　enclose [ɪnˈkləʊz] v. to send something in the same envelope or parcel as something else 随信（或包裹）附上；附入，封入therewith adv. with or in the thing mentioned 與此；與之 There you see the simple beauty of the scheme. About 90 per cent of them domestic foreign noblemen raised the price somehow and sent it in. That was all there was to it. Except that me and Andy complained an amount about being put to the trouble of slicing open them envelopes, and taking the money out.

　　“這下你能看出這個計劃的便捷和美妙之處了吧。這些國内國外紳士中，有九成湊齊了費用随信寄過來。這個把戲就這麼簡單——隻是拆信取錢這種事兒很煩人，我和安迪少不了一通牢騷。”

　　slice v. 切，割；切開；割破 Some few clients called in person. We sent em to Mrs. Trotter and she did the rest; except for three or four who came back to strike us for carfare. After the letters began to get in from the r.f.d. districts Andy and me were taking in about $200 a day.

　　“也有少數主顧親自找上門來。我們都讓他們去見了特羅特太太，她幹淨利落地打發掉了——隻有三四個回來跟我們要車費的。等到信件從免費郵遞的偏遠地區陸續湧來的時候，安迪和我每天已經能有兩百塊的進賬了。”

　　in person 親自；親身carfare n.[U] 車費 One afternoon when we were busiest and I was stuffing the two and ones into cigar boxes and Andy was whistling No Wedding Bells for Her a small slick man drops in and runs his eye over the walls like he was on the trail of a lost Gainesborough painting or two. As soon as I saw him I felt a glow of pride, because we were running our business on the level.

　　“一天下午，我倆忙得不可開交，我正把一塊兩塊的鈔票往煙盒裡塞，安迪則吹着電影《她才不結婚》主題曲，一個小個子男人眼神賊溜溜地進來，将四面牆都掃視了個遍，像是在檢查庚斯博羅的遺失畫作一般神秘謹慎。一看到他，我心中便一陣得意，我們這生意做得可是堂堂正正，不怕你來檢查。”

　　stuff v. 裝滿，填滿，塞滿whistle [ˈwɪsəl] v. 吹口哨；用口哨吹奏(曲調)slick [slɪk] adj. 油滑的，華而不實的drop in 順便訪問；順便進入a glow of pride 強烈的自豪感on the level honest; legal 誠實；合法，正當 I see you have quite a large mail to-day, says the man.

　　“二位今天的信真多。”男人開腔說。

　　I reached and got my hat. Come on, says I. ve been expecting you. Ill show you the goods. How was Teddy when you left Washington?

　　“‘來吧，’我說。‘我們正盼着你呢。我把貨色給你看吧。你離開華盛頓的時候，特德怎麼樣？’”

　　I took him down to the Riverview Hotel and had him shake hands with Mrs. Trotter. Then I showed him her bank book with the $2,000 to her credit.

　　“我帶他去了河景旅店，讓他跟特羅特太太握了手，又給他看了她名下那本兩千美元的存折。”

　　bank book 銀行存折 It seems to be all right, says the Secret Service.

　　“聽起來很順利。”這位私家偵探說。”

　　It is, says I. And if youre not a married man Ill leave you to talk a while with the lady. We wont mention the two dollars.

　　“當然，”我回道，“要是您還是單身，我保證能讓您跟咱們的女士單獨聊一會兒，還能給您免了那兩塊錢。’”

　　Thanks, says he. If I wasnt, I might. Good day, Mrs. Peters.

　　“謝謝。”他說，“要不是已婚的話，我沒準兒真會去聊聊的。日安，彼得斯先生。’

　　Toward the end of three months we had taken in something over $5,000, and we saw it was time to quit. We had a good many complaints made to us; and Mrs. Trotter seemed to be tired of the job. A good many suitors had been calling to see her, and she didnt seem to like that.

　　“三個月很快就要過去了，我們已經賺了差不多五千塊錢，覺得是時候收攤了。我們遭到了不少投訴，特羅特太太似乎也心生厭倦。很多追求者上門求見，但她并不樂意。”

　　take in 收入，進賬 So we decides to pull out, and I goes down to Mrs. Trotters hotel to pay her last weeks salary and say farewell and get her check for the $2,000.

　　“我倆決定金盆洗手。我就到特羅特太太住的旅店去付給她最後一周的酬勞，跟她道别，順便拿回那本兩千塊錢的存折。”

　　pull out 撤出，撤離 When I got there I found her crying like a kid that dont want to go to school.

　　“到了旅店，我發現她哭得像個不想上學的孩子。”

　　Now, now, says I, whats it all about? Somebody sassed you or you getting homesick?

　　“怎麼了？”我問，“怎麼回事？誰非禮你了嗎？還是你想家了？’”

　　sass [sæs] v. to speak to sb in a rude way, without respect 對 … 粗魯地（或惡聲惡氣地）說話；對 … 出言不遜 No, Mr. Peters, says she. ll tell you. You was always a friend of Zekes, and I dont mind. Mr. Peters, Im in love. I just love a man so hard I cant bear not to get him. Hes just the ideal Ive always had in mind.

　　“不是，彼得斯先生，”她哭着說，“我跟您實說吧。您是齊克多年的老朋友，這事兒我也不瞞着您。彼得斯先生，我愛上了一個人。我真的太愛他了，要是不能跟他在一起，我簡直活不下去。他就是我一心想找的那個人。’”

　　bear [beər] v. 忍受；容忍ideal n.a person or thing that you think is perfect 理想中的人或事物 Then take him, says I. That is, if its a mutual case. Does he return the sentiment according to the specifications and painfulness you have described?

　　“那就嫁給他吧，”我說，“如果你們彼此相愛的話。您跟他表明心迹之後，他回應您的感情了嗎？’”

　　mutual [ˈmjuːtʃuəl] adj. 相互的，彼此的sentiment [ˈsentəmənt] n.[U] feelings of pity, love, sadness etc that are often considered to be too strong or not suitable for a particular situatio 多愁善感；感情因素specification [ˌspesɪfɪˈkeɪʃən] n.[C, U] 具體說明， 明确說明 He does, says she. But hes one of the gentlemen thats been coming to see me about the advertisement and he wont marry me unless I give him the $2,000. His name is William Wilkinson. And then she goes off again in the agitations and hysterics of romance.

　　“回應了。”她說，“可他也是看了廣告才慕名而來的，我要是拿不出那兩千元，他是不會跟我結婚的。他名叫威廉·威爾金森。’說到這兒，為了自己的愛情，她又開始歇斯底裡地嚎啕大哭。”

　　agitation [ˌædʒɪˈteɪʃən] n.[U] worry and anxiety 焦慮，躁動，緊張不安hysteric [hɪˈstɛrɪk] n. 歇斯底裡 Mrs. Trotter, says I, theres no man more sympathizing with a womans affections than I am. Besides, you was once the life partner of one of my best friends. If it was left to me Id say take this $2,000 and the man of your choice and be happy.

　　“特羅特太太，”我安慰她，“在男人裡頭，我可以說是最能體恤女性的情感的了。更何況您還曾是我摯友的另一半。要是我能做主的話，您就拿着那兩千塊，去嫁給自己選擇的人，幸福地生活吧。”

　　sympathize with sb 同情 / 體諒 / 憐憫... We could afford to do that, because we have cleaned up over $5,000 from these suckers that wanted to marry you. But, says I, Andy Tucker is to be consulted.

　　“我和我的搭檔出得起這兩千塊錢，畢竟我倆已經從那些癡心妄想娶您的冤大頭身上賺了五千多塊了。可是，”我頓了一下，“這事兒我還得跟安迪·塔克商量一下。”

　　clean up 赢錢；賺大錢；發财consult [kənˈsʌlt] v. 商量，征求意見 He is a good man, but keen in business. He is my equal partner financially. I will talk to Andy, says I, and see what can be done.

　　“他是個好心人，但也是個精明的生意人。在财務上，我倆的地位是平起平坐的。我去跟安迪講，看看能怎麼辦吧。”

　　keen [kiːn] adj. 熱衷的；熱心的；渴望的 I goes back to our hotel and lays the case before Andy.

　　I was expecting something like this all the time, says Andy. You cant trust a woman to stick by you in any scheme that involves her emotions and preferences.

　　Its a sad thing, Andy, says I, to think that weve been the cause of the breaking of a womans heart.

　　“然後，我回到住處，把這事兒跟一五一十地跟安迪說了。”

　　“我一直預料會發生這樣的事情，”安迪說，“任何騙局中，一旦沾上感情和個人喜好，你就絕不能相信一個女人還會為你着想。”

　　“可一想到我們倆會成為讓一位女士心碎的元兇，”我說，“我就覺得很難過，安迪。”

　　stick by sb 對（某人）不離不棄 It is, says Andy, and I tell you what Im willing to do, Jeff. Youve always been a man of a soft and generous heart and disposition. Perhaps Ive been too hard and worldly and suspicious. For once Ill meet you half way. Go to Mrs. Trotter and tell her to draw the $2,000 from the bank and give it to this man shes infatuated with and be happy.

　　“也是。”安迪同意道，“所以我告訴你我的打算吧，傑夫。你一直都是個内心柔軟、心胸寬廣的性情中人，也許是我太嚴苛、太世俗也太多疑。這次我決定讓步。去看看特羅特太太吧，讓她去銀行把那兩千塊取出來，交給那個讓她心醉神迷的男人，快樂過日子去吧。”

　　worldly [ˈwɜːldli] adj. practical and having a lot of experience of life善于處世的；圓滑的be infatuated with sb having strong feelings of love for someone or a strong interest in something that makes you unable to think in a sensible way 迷戀... I jumps up and shakes Andys hand for five minutes, and then I goes back to Mrs. Trotter and tells her, and she cries as hard for joy as she did for sorrow.

　　“我一躍而起，握着安迪的手足足搖了五分鐘，接着趕到特羅特太太那兒，将這個告訴她。她又大哭了起來，喜悅的淚珠掉得一點都不比悲傷的時候少。”

　　cry / laugh hard 哭 / 笑得很厲害 Two days afterward me and Andy packed up to go.

　　兩天後，我和安迪收拾好行裝準備離開。

　　Wouldnt you like to go down and meet Mrs. Trotter once before we leave? I asks him. Shed like mightily to know you and express her encomiums and gratitude.

　　“走之前，你不去見特羅特太太一面嗎？”我問他，“她一定也非常希望認識你，向你當面表達她的贊美和感激之情。”

　　go down（從一處）到（另一處）mightily adv. with great effort 竭盡全力地encomium [ɪnˈkəʊmiəm] n.[pl.] a speech or piece of writing that praises sb or sth highly 高度贊揚的話（或文章）；頌辭gratitude [ˈɡrætɪtjuːd] n.[U] 感激之情，感謝 Why, I guess not, says Andy. I guess wed better hurry and catch that train.

　　“還是算了，”安迪說，“咱們還是快點兒上路趕火車吧。”

　　I was strapping our capital around me in a memory belt like we always carried it, when Andy pulls a roll of large bills out of his pocket and asks me to put em with the rest.

　　就跟往常一樣，我把我倆賺的錢捆到腰帶上。這時，安迪從口袋裡掏出一大卷鈔票，讓我一塊塞進去。

　　strap [stræp] v. 用帶子系（或捆、綁） Whats this? says I.

　　Its Mrs. Trotters two thousand, says Andy.”

　　How do you come to have it? I asks.

　　She gave it to me, says Andy. ve been calling on her three evenings a week for more than a month.

　　“這是哪兒來的錢？”我問。

　　“就是特羅特太太那兩千塊。”安迪說。

　　“怎麼會到你手上的？”我問。

　　“她給我的。”安迪說，“這一個多月以來，我每周都有三個晚上會去拜訪她。”

　　Then are you William Wilkinson? says I.

　　I was, says Andy.

　　“所以你就是那個威廉·威爾金森？”我說。

　　“就是我。”安迪回答。

　　The Ends

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